I can't believe that I haven't posted since June. I guess I think of this as my fertility blog, and when I am not in active motion, there is nothing to report, update or ponder.
I am not in active motion, I am at a dead stand still. B* is not back from Down Under, although he is now suggesting that he will be back for good by the end of 2008.
Given the economy, his paranoia about expenditures is very high and this may seem like an obvious statement for those of you who have been playing along on this blog, but I think that best case he is ambivalent.
So what about me, when I ponder this course of pursuing DE by myself I become terrified, others do it but Christ every day I am one day older and I feel it! my financials are a little better but still in the crapper, etcetera, etcetera.
But then I think what is life all about? Maybe I should be hunting for a different man and worrying about the baby later (since the fertility clock kicked the can 2 years ago). But I worry that I will be too old to keep up with a munchkin if I postpone much longer.
Then I started thinking that if I do this on my own, I could pursue embryo adoption which would cost a lot less.
Everyone is falling pregnant in infertile blog world, and my eyes are like laser beams on pregnant bellies all day long at work, the gym, shopping, everywhere a pregnant belly!
I am a sea of confusion and would welcome any illumination, if any one out there is still listening....