Sunday, September 21, 2008

Anonymous - hit and run

Being a free speech person, I realize I am putting myself out in the universe for everyone's  perusal.  I could screen or limit the comments but how interesting would that be? It is not surprising that in the blogosphere there are going to be those who want to speak their mind without owning their thoughts - which is crazy when you think about it.  My name isn't really Jade - but I am Jaded, and happy to own my online identity.  

Why do I raise this you may wonder? well my last post garnered one of those lovely anonymous responses - someone airing their views and blasting me out for being in denial about B* and his true intentions.  That I am dragging my feet and soon it will be too late to get pregnant and still have the energy to keep up with an infant.  Gee, hmmm, wasn't that what the last post was all about? 

The post was searing, and I read it last night on my blackberry as I was driving to a party and I ended up taking a wrong turn and making an extremely  illegal U-turn.  

Anyway, as harsh as it was, it did serve as a kick in the butt and for that I am grateful.  I just think that it would have felt less punishing had the person actually revealed their own identity. But so it goes....


Miss X said...

From one girl to another...I've been where you are in terms of relationships. I've spent most of my life longing for someone who barely cared that I existed (the guy changes, the story never does).

I had this idea in my head of the perfect guy.

It's not to say I haven't dated (and I haven't read all of your posts to fully know your history).

Long story short, I'm in a very happy, fulfillng relationship now. He isn't the guy I pictured in my mind but there's no one I'd rather be with.

My advice: don't just wait for B* to come around. If you want to be in a relationship, find someone who wants to be in a relationship with you. And if you want a baby, go for it!!!

calliope said...

I got your back. Always.
(((hugs tight)))

Sparkle said...

Hi Jade,
Sorry I didn't post previously.

Wow that was a harsh comment, and prolly no wonder it was anonymous, I've recently read other blogs where commenters with even a slight difference of opinion are completely lambasted. You took that with very good grace - not easy.

As for your dilemma, you know I don't think it's that uncommon. As you know I now have a baby from a known donor, and as supportive as Mr. S is - it was me leading the charge all the way.

If you want a family, maybe you should just get cracking?

Anonymous said...

C'mon Jade, WTF does my identity matter, really? We're both anonymous in this vast blogosphere. And how will that change the truths I've written one iota?

As for this comment you made in your last post: "That I am dragging my feet and soon it will be too late to get pregnant and still have the energy to keep up with an infant. Gee, hmmm, wasn't that what the last post was all about?"

Yes, that was what your last post was about. But Jade, that's what ALL of your posts have been about. The only thing that changes is time - it's the September 2008 post vs. pick-whatever-post-in-2006-or-2007. Go look - same post today as any month last year or the year before that! You're lamenting over B* and this sad excuse for a relationship when, instead, you should be FURIOUS WITH YOURSELF that you're on the same subject 2 years later and the needle hasn't moved even a millimeter!

You have allowed B* to make your life into the movie Groundhog Day. But you're not just trashing years from your life, you're trashing the ONLY remaining years you have to start a family and make your life what YOU want. That's pretty critical stuff - FAR too important to hand over to some loser who's too cowardly to own his truth.

I'm harsh - yeah, I get that, really. Sadly, I get that's the perception. But what's more troubling than my "harshness" is how we women sabotage one another under the guise of "friendship" and "kindness." We are so used to supporting our girlfriends that we end up enabling them in destructive ways through decades of "understanding." Then we tell our other girlfriends how "she's in so much denial, wasting her life away." Is that TRULY a friend? I say no. The TRUE friend says "yes, leave that jerk and stop wasting your life 'cause time is almost up – your fertility isn't going to be there in 5 years." But most women reading that comment would call that friend a harsh jerk and prefer the girlfriend who said "Oh, I understand – it's hard; give him a chance, he'll come around, he loves you." The "good" friend is the one who helps you feed into the beast of denial and waste more precious years. The "bad" friend tells it honestly. What pathetic irony!

Ultimately, it is YOU who said you've spent "so much time" in "life's waiting room." Haven't you had enough? Isn't it time for YOU to do for YOU? And don't go run and threaten B* that you're moving forward without him – it hasn't worked yet, and you've ended up looking weak and foolish. Just zip your mouth, dust yourself off and MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH AN RE ASAP and get going. Just go do for YOU!

Signed, Harsh and Awful.

PS: No need to worry, no more "hit and run" comments from me. From now on you'll get only dozens of "hang in there, we support you" words of encouragement and you'll be happy. Again, I just hope you're on a donor egg cycle this Christmas, however YOU have to make it happen for YOU!