Sunday, June 01, 2008
I celebrated my birthday last week. Actually, I don't think it is completely accurate to say "celebrated" maybe the word "mourned" is a better classification.
I don't know why, but I am completely obsessed with the notion of getting old. If I had a baby would this feeling stop? would this be the higher purpose that makes all the narcissistic angst vanish? I suspect that I do in fact harbor this fantasy that life will feel less finite with the birth of a child.
Nonetheless, the aging obsession has several data points,
1. pre-mature menopause (check)
2. severe lower back pain that has been with me for over a year (check)
3. this new flabbiness on the side of my breast that I find myself tucking into my underwire bra (check)
4. fatigue that no amount of coffee can seem to cure (check)
5. walking into a store at the montgomery mall called Vintage 1981 and being completely confused (check)