I was feeling bitter yesterday, less so now...maybe I feel better because it is sunny and clear and my usual aches and pains have subsided.
I always associate the holidays with family time and it makes my longing for my own family all the greater. Yesterday at the market all the carts were in use except for the ones with the baby carriers - and it struck me, here I am again, pushing a grocery cart with an empty baby carrier. I stuck my fire logs in the baby carrier so it would seem less empty as I made my way through the aisles and last minute shopping hysteria.
B* is not here, and not sure if he is going to visit from Australia at all in between semesters. He thinks we need to economize - a hard point to argue against. He is obsessed with the collapsing economy - I get a daily 6:30 a.m. flash report on the status of the US economy, why the labor department statistics are wrong, whose bailing out who, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...
I suspect that he is, underneath it all, afraid of the commitment to me, a future family, the mortgage....and so I wait. Foolish perhaps.
In my heart of hearts I know that I will have a baby in 2008. Either DE or ED (embryo donation) - kind of cool how the letters reverse - an appropriate symmetry. ED is an intriguing option, basically the cost of an FET and something to consider. I have not yet broached the topic of ED with B* - not sure how he will respond.
I am so proud of all my fellow blogofiles who have worked so hard in 2007 to build their families. And I have all my fingers and toes crossed for Callie during her 2ww
This is not a new year's post, but I think that we should all resolve to make 2008 the year of family creation.
I am up for a (small) promotion at work and have my fingers crossed that the financial bump up will put me in a better position to move forward.
I have now shed a total of 14 lbs courtesy of Jenny Craig and am working hard to get in shape - abdominals and all. I feel much better about my body, better than I have felt in probably 6 or 7 years - it has become much more fun getting dressed, and dressed up.
So today is a day of reflection. I am going to light a fire, organize my bills (blech), knit, take the dogs for a long walk and take deep long breathes.
(that's my GM on the right - her birthday is in 2 weeks - she will be 93!)