Wednesday, August 08, 2007


Okay, I am finally starting to calm down after the little sister craziness. Not that her train wreck is over, but I internalized a lot of it. My own feelings of instability, what if scenarios and it could happen to me stuff.

I think that if B* were here and fully present and supportive as a partner I would not feel so tenuous. But, the truth is that even when he is here he is not a pillar of support and calm. I have to find the calm myself, unless I change partners.

So I held a baby today.

My friend just had one - she went to the same RE as me, and boom first month of IUI she gets pregnant (her partner is a woman so she used donor sperm). Now, she is younger (36) but, well you all know how it feels, everyone else but not me. And I started this roller coaster well before she did. Her baby was very sweet, with a gigantic head (which in my book is a good thing) and lots of plumpness (also good). 7 weeks new.

I was impressed with how calm my friend was with the baby (she is one of my most neurotic and high strung friends) -- which means there is hope for me as a mother.

Maybe, hmmm, her calm with her little girl, made me feel more calm about everything: being a mom, limited support from B* (or none), and pulling it all off successfully.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

my boyfriend was so not supportive when i got pregnant. It was a haard pregnancy labor and birth, i felt lost and unloved a blamed for wanting a family i didn't know if or how to deal. then about 3 weeks after the baby was here he totally changed from this meanie to a full on no holds barred dad who debates me on how shes so pretty and how he loves her so much more than me while he pushes her down the street in her pink pram. go figure men are sometimes bad at identifying feelings and scared of change. if you want a child by all means go for it use his sperm and become a mother and have your family this is something you can do!