Friday, July 27, 2007

Trying Not to Think...

I am trying not to think right now. I texted B* to say "I am done. I am sick of being lead on, I want a child. Leave me alone."

And now there is radio silence. I usually speak to him twice a day and we email, remember he is in Australia. So nothing now since Wednesday morning when I received his ridiculous email that said nothing about DE, and was instead a rant about how I manipulate him and he will come home to visit in August only if it makes sense for his schedule.

I sometimes wonder why I bother.

So far comments comments are leaning towards embryo adoption. Which is my inclination as well. But what about Sheryl Crow, she seems so cool, moving on after Lance and Cancer and adopting. Of course she has tons of $$$$. I also strangely think I would be more in control going the donor embryo route but who knows....

6 comments:

calliope said...

I think before you can move forward with adoption you have to be ready to let go of the idea of being pregnant. And while it might make me horrible shallow...I SO want to know what that is like. I would probably exhaust all viable options of trying to be pg.

But if I had the $$$$ I would try to get pg AND adopt!

(((hugs)))

Summer said...

I think calliope has a point. Are you ok with idea of never being pregnant? To me that's one of the major factors between going the adoption route vs the donor embryo route.

JMW said...

I hope it won't sound strange if I say I'm glad "B*" sent you such an obnoxious email. It is so hard to make big Relationship decisions, and to think about moving on alone, but from your posts it seemed like you did not trust him to come through after all this waiting. As one of my friends would say, "Always trust your Spidey senses."

His email has forced the issue and that can only be a good thing, in the end.

rae said...

i have no advice, i have to answers. i just wanted to say I'm sorry. And I admire your courage to step ahead with your dreams. You only live once, my friend....chase what your heart desires and don't you ever look back.
love,
rae

darch said...

That is a really hard decision, hope that making it has made you feel more in control of your future.

Benderochka said...

Adoption vs. embryo donation/DE - ask yourself if you would not regret not giving yourself a chance to experience pregnancy if you go via adoption route. If your heart is ready to give up on the idea of pregnancy, and the door is closed, you will know that.

DE vs. embryo donation - with DE/DS you are more in control of what characteristics you select but ultimately only you know what is right for you. Just follow your gut -it is always right. Give yourself permission to go after what your heart really desires.
You will get your little one, I know it!