Wednesday, June 13, 2007

There is no me without you....

This article creeped me out. Those of you who have gone through DE or are contemplating, I would be interested in your thoughts.

There is no me without you from Elle Magazine.


JMW said...

I really appreciate this woman's honesty and her clarity about what the process was like for her. I was contemplating DE until recently, and the struggle I had over it was very similar to what she describes. I am so glad DE exists as an option for couples, but I wish there were less commodification involved.

calliope said...

As a potential donor- it filled me with anxiety. It was as if she was examining a dog to breed in a kennel.
But again- the more people share their experiences the less it becomes taboo.

daisy said...

I have to say I really hated the article. The recipient sounded cold, calculating, scrutinizing, and shallow. The article seemed void of what we DE recipients are full of…emotion, passion, sometimes (often) desperation, pouring all our hopes into a one-of-a-kind love, parent and child. We aren’t shopping for a f*ing car here (as it sounded to me in the article), we are hoping to bring home a child to love and adore for the rest of our lives. I also think it really misrepresented who DE recipients typically are. People do make assumptions that if we can afford the enormous cost, we must be rich. (Spending our time shopping and visiting museums.) The truth is, many of us are in debt, or have tapped into our 401ks to take this incredible financial emotional risk. No mention of her wrenching emotional need to have a child? No mention of what it would really mean for her son to have a sibling? (Which is a true lifelong partner.) I think of our donor as a real person, with a real life, and real passions, not an egg machine and I am grateful everyday for her willingness to take this journey with us.
A little ranty, eh? I guess it hit a few nerves.

Lara said...

I found that elle story to be infuriating! She actually admits to being relieved for the BFN? WHAT? Who does that????

Carol said...

wow, interesting article, thanks for sharing.

this is the part that struck me the most:

"What I wanted was myself. Not because I was any great shakes, but because I was all I had. I wanted myself to be the mother of my second child, but that was too much to ask for."

I think this is what most people who are critical of ART miss. You hear these commentators on the radio, or people write articles about people wanting "designer babies". And I think that's total BS. We don't scrutinize these donors because you are trying to make the perfect baby. but you do it becaue you are choosing a replacement for yourself. That's an impossible thing to do - but it's what we all want.

In the end, she realized that she wasn't comfortable with that reality. I appreciate her honesty.