Thursday, June 21, 2007

Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll....

Sex -
Well not much sex to speak of...particularly with your partner on the opposite side of the globe. He says he misses me very much, he even talked to a DC-Based consulting firm about a position. I told him not to do it because he has never been happy doing that kind of work. Stick with the University gig and try to work it out for a stateside job - even commuting to the University (which is not based in Dc) would be preferable to the current situation.

So B* is suppose to return in August - is it a visit or extended stay remains to be determined. He knows that I am expecting us to move forward with the DE IVF in September. He mentions parenting occasionally but I worry that he is still not 100% in - not much I can do about this with him.

I told him I am anxious about his return in August, he said he is doing the work of two people right now so that we can all be together (the all includes the dogs of course).

Drugs -
I finally called my psychiatrist last week and told her that Zoloft was just not doing it for me - she prescribed a tricyclic - an oldy but a goody - for me to take before I go to bed to help with sleep and anxiety. So far it is doing the trick, although I must admit feeling a little fuzzy on days 1 & 2 of the new med.

Rock and Roll --
My 38 year old sister went to a 3 day concert (she flew to Tennessee from NYC) - - slept in a tent, showered in a truck and used a port-o-john for three days. I think this might be my definition of hell. Hanging out with a bunch of 20-somethings who are drugged out, sweaty and dirty in the hideous 90 degree plus heat. I told her that for all the money she spent to go to the concert (probably $500) she should have splurged on a hotel room. Her comment, "I would have missed stuff, and everyone was in a tent." - 80,000 people attended. I don't get it.

Friday, June 15, 2007

menopause quiz

Here is a quiz - I don't completely agree with all of the answers. Sort of skewed towards phytoestrogens - which not everyone sees as a panacea for the symptoms. I scored 70 out of 100 - which makes me knowledgeable but I did also learn a few things.

Menopause quiz

I had another big fight with B* - a collection agency called looking for him - and he accused me of taking pleasure in bringing him bad news and having a generally negative aura. I do have a negative aura - and it stinks - I called my psychiatrist yesterday and asked that we tweak my meds - they are not working properly.

Hopefully a sunnier update soon.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

There is no me without you....

This article creeped me out. Those of you who have gone through DE or are contemplating, I would be interested in your thoughts.

There is no me without you from Elle Magazine.

criss-crossing the globe - ISO IVF Vacation

Apparently there is now a website ivfvacation operated by a couple based in Ohio who help women travel to the Czech republic to do IVF and DE IVF.

IVF - a 21 day visit to the Czech Republic
$6,938 (includes airfare for two people)

DEIVF - 10 day trip to the Czech Republic
$8,483 (two people)

Ok - yes, much cheaper but is it worth it? This feels too important to take these types of risks if it can be avoided.

The information is included in a longer article U.S. women crossing globe for fertility help posted today on MSNBC website.

Monday, June 11, 2007

The dogs

Today was my big day with the dog behaviorist. She was at my house for 4 1/2 hours - She is a DVM and she has a second degree in Behavior (I can't recall the acronym). Besides being expensive it was exhausting. No quick fixes for the boy dogs who fight and exhibit fear aggression.

She has suggested some medical tests for the aggressor, she thinks he might have some medical issues that are making him more irritable. For anxiety she has suggested putting both boys on Sam-E which you can buy at Whole Foods, etc. I also was show some training tricks to get their attention refocused on me and off of each other.

After she left I took a nap - I was completely exhausted. And this is just he beginning of the process with them. Much more work to be done, vet visit, practicing training tricks, and then meds and phone consults - I can't even think about how much effort this will require on top of everything else I am juggling.

deep sigh.....

Saturday, June 09, 2007

I'm back from SFO

I was in San Francisco this week for a training, and flew back yesterday. Training was good in parts, and not so good in other parts.

Call me psycho but...I was at the training with a colleague who blew off most of the conference - he treated it as his vacation in San Fran - which annoyed me. If the university is going to pay $2000 to send someone for professional development - you don't just blow it off. And he dressed like a bum. I chastised him about his attire and he called me the fashion police and told me to mind my own business. My irritation with him I guess is a break from worrying about all my other sh*t.

San Francisco is a beautiful city and it reminded me a lot of Sydney, AU. It was a good break from my regular routine but I felt terrible leaving the dogs. They seem to have survived.

While I was in SF I visited a good friend of mine who moved out there 7 years ago and now has a wonderful life and lifestyle, big condo in pacific heights and a weekend beach house. I told her my whole menopause saga - she got it and really empathized for me. The kicker is that she is 52 and can't believe that she hasn't even started menopause.

She talked about the qualitative difference of life in your 50s - things start to feel more finite and you need to decide what things you really want to do and do them before it's too late. She was very supportive of the baby thing. She and her girlfriend considered it but she said when it came down to it, they decided they would rather have a beach house (she knows this sounds awful but it is the truth).

On Monday I am taking the day off from work so that I can meet with the dog behaviorist. She is making a house call to assess the dynamic between the two boy dogs and why they fight and hurt each other (well there is really only one aggressor but they both have a role). I had to fill out nearly 30 pages of forms and send her all of their medical records. It should be interesting. I know it is going to be expensive - but it is less than the $1000 in medical bills for baby boy's eye injury (or future potential injuries).

The prednisone roller coaster is finally over. I was on a very high dose which my therapist said was probably the reason it was doing such a number on me. I was convinced mid-week that I am in a crisis - personal and professional, but things seem to have evened out considerably.