Wednesday, May 30, 2007

The Psychiatrist and more.....an update



Yes the Prednisone is throwing me into anxious depressive mood (according to the psychiatrist)- so I need to call her in 2 weeks after my head has cleared. In the meantime use Klonopin as needed.

B* called to tell me he misses me and the little dogs. He also wanted to report that he is picking up some extra $$ doing executive training in a few weeks so that is happy news in our financial crunch days.

Real estate is going to take a while before it delivers on the promise of any real $$$ so I will just have to hang in there I guess.

I am totally into the Sopranos wind down although these episodes are really hard to watch - depressing, dark, Tony's spiral into hell.

anxious


I am free flowing anxiety today.


It could be the prednisone I am taking for my poison ivy.


Or the fact that therapy group insisted that I look at the "what if" scenario of B* not following through on DE - and me having to do it alone and be sacked with tons of debt.


Or that I am still having reverb from coming off the effexor (now on zoloft). Getting off has felt worse than what got me taking it in the first place!!!!


I am seeing my psychiatrist this afternoon so maybe she will have some insight.

Here is the update after meeting with the Psychiatrist:

Yes the Prednisone is throwing me into anxious depressive mood (according to the psychiatrist)- so I need to call her in 2 weeks after my head has cleared. In the meantime use Klonopin as needed.

B* called to tell me he misses me and the little dogs. He also wanted to report that he is picking up some extra $$ doing executive training in a few weeks so that is happy news in our financial crunch days.

Real estate is going to take a while before it delivers on the promise of any real $$$ so I will just have to hang in there I guess.

I am total into the Sopranos wind down although these episodes are really hard to watch - depressing, dark, Tony's spiral into hell.


Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Another Birthday

I've just commemorated another birthday - since 40 it just all feels like it's just about getting old. Fighting the aging process. I never thought I would become so vain about these things.

So now I am 43, quite old to be contemplating pregnancy (including the potential for multiples). I use to think I was in great shape but now with the onset of menopause I am questioning my confidence in my physical resiliency.

This is the year of big change, mark my words....

Thursday, May 24, 2007

report on baby boy







Baby Boy did wonderfully at agility last night but unfortunately he is not ready to progress to the next level and we will need 8 more weeks of intro to refine his skills.

I was very proud of him - he did wonderfully on all of the equipment, but he still cannot master the sit-stay function.







Monday, May 21, 2007

Taking action....

From: jade
Sent: Monday, May 21, 2007 1:53 PM
To: Donor Coordinator - S*
Subject: Jade calendar ....


S*-
I wanted to drop you a line to confirm the calendar - we discussed starting meds in August and doing the procedure in September. I think we should plan to stick with this calendar.

We can start meds (lupron I guess) the week of August 20th - and if B* decides to flake I am inclined to move forward without him at this point which means his absence would not affect the calendar.

There is a possibility that he will have to go back to Australia in September, ,if that is the case and he is amenable, I will have him leave behind his contribution.
Does this sound like a workable plan?

Nothing is every easy!!!

- J*


Response from DE Coordinator:

Hi J*,

That works for me! It sounds like B* is definitely keeping your head spinning about this whole thing. Hopefully he'll simmer down soon and be a team player! Men...

Talk to you soon!

Sincerely,

S*

A sense of humor is essential



Sometimes a sense of humor is essential. How else can we bare all that we have to go through? Case in point Egg donors are people too...

And also check out this site eujenics for additional irreverent thoughts.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

What is going on ...Life is hard?

This is an update post.

B* was here for 10 days and then went back to Australia to teach for the next 12 weeks. He can't say one way or the other if he will have the fall semester off - he loves his work but hates being away. Not a great combination - makes it tough on all involved.

I spoke with the DE coordinator and told her that our plan is to start up in August. At least I think this is "our" plan. If it's just my plan then so be it. B* is suppose to be back mid-August - either for the fall or for a visit. My thought is that this is when we start the donor cycle and sync everything up for a September transfer. If B* has to go back in the fall then I will ask him to make a deposit before departing.

My greatest fear is that he will wimp out and find an excuse not to come home in August and then I am on my own. He has insisted that we not finance this, we pay cash and that by the end of the summer we should (he should) be able to come up with the money to make the payment. I've mentioned that I've picked up the real estate again to try and make some extra cash this summer towards this goal. So far no clients but it takes time to get rolling.

I worry about B* and all of this flux and ambivalence. I am turning 43 in a few weeks and I may be a good shape but I am not superhuman. I've laid off my cleaning service to save some cash and announced to my therapy group that I am leaving (I've been there for nearly 14 years). The combined savings of these two actions is $600/month. Of Course my therapist is concerned that B* will flake and that I wont move forward but once again extend the deadline. She thinks now is not a good time to leave therapy. It never is a good time to leave.

Life feels hard.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Self Non-Medication

I am not insane and not as unstable as I've been feeling lately. At least according to this article Self Non-Medicationby Bruce Stutz in Sunday's New York Times.

It makes me realize how powerful the pharmaceutical industry really is. Take this pill, feel better, and plan to never go off of your medication. It is a bit of scam.

So here I am having transitioned off of Effexor onto Zoloft and still feeling quite anxious. Is this me or the drugs talking? or the lack of drugs talking?

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Osteopenia

Today I learned something new. I have Osteopenia. This is what you get before you get osteoporosis. As I mentioned in a previous post, I have been exercising like a fiend my entire adult life - so this is a surprise. I'm suppose to mega dose on the calcium and Vitamin D. It really stinks because it is related to menopause and low estrogen.

My mother has osteoporosis but she eats like crap and is super underweight.

I am afraid of shrinking. My grandma, who was once about 5'3" is now maybe 4'10" -granted, she is 92, but I really don't want to shrink. I like being tall - 5'7" 1/2 last time I checked - but maybe it has already started and I am shorter than I think. Arggghhh.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

are you a republican?

I am:
33%
Republican.
"You're probably one of those chicken-littles who thinks maybe we should worry a little bit, occasionally, about the fate of the planet that our lives all depend on."

Are You A Republican?


33% is a bad score for someone who worked for Massachusetts Dems during the first part of her career.