Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Depression and HRT

A month ago I was put on hormone replacement therapy for my menopausal symptoms - I figured that since the DE was going to be a few months I might as well get some relief from the hotflashes etc.

About 2 weeks ago I started feeling kinda depressed, which makes sense, accepting infertility, dealing with Donor Egg issues, lack of genetic connection, a frustrating job - yes I have a list of issues. But the depression just kept getting worse. At first like small waves washing ashore and then bigger waves and then suddenly I felt like I was pinned under a wet blanket. Everything started sending me into a free fall of despair, an article in the paper, a conversation with a colleague.

I am trained to catch myself in these depressive moments - 13 years of therapy will do that for you. But usually you turn a corner and start to bounce back but this started to feel like infinite blackness. And the most curious part of the whole thing is that I am on a therapeutic dose of Effexor which has worked for me for over 8 years.

And then last Friday is hit me, it was the HRT I was taking. I had similar issues on certain virtuousness pills a millennium ago and it made sense that I might have a similar reaction on these pills which are not unlike virtuousness.

So on Saturday I stopped taking the HRT - there was not instant relief. As of yesterday I was still experiencing some of the vertigo of a bad depression but I am also starting to see it lift.

I called my psychopharmcologist who confirmed that effexor and HRT can be a potent combination and it sounded like I needed to stay off all HRT for a while and wait for my mind and body to recalibrate. He said if I still felt bad after the holidays to call him.

I called my RE and they said that given my bad reaction they are hesistant to prescribe an alternative and that I might want to investigate bioidentical hormones instead.

So I sit here and wait for the veil of depression to fully lift and for the hot flashes to return. As Roseanne Rosanna-Danna's Grandmother use to say, "It's always something. If it's not one thing," it's another."

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