It's starting to feel like it's time to fill out the Recipient Questionnaire from the RE's office. I just have this 6th sense that nothing is going on in Ovaryland. I've been feeling a twinge of hotflashes which suggests that the estrogen is not rising and that I need to figure out my next move.
I talked to B* this morning about the financial picture and how we might go about paying for DE. His stomache started to hurt as I explained that we would use the Home Equity Line and pay off $24,000 at 9% interest. He asked if we could wait, since DE isn't as age dependent and I said no. 42 is old enough to carry a pregnancy and I want to get started right away. He pointed out that my current debt is also the result of this same inpatience - true, true, but I am anxious to move forward.
So I am sitting here staring at this questionnaire - you are suppose to rank the importance of characteristics/traits you are looking for in your donor - my top preference is height - now that might now strange but B* is short for a man and I am tall (5'7") and we both agree that tall kids/adults have an advantage.
Religion - not as important - I am Jewish and B* was raised Catholic although he is sephardic Jew by ancestry. The chances of finding a Jewish donor are small (or very expensive). My RE went to visit this donor agency in NYC where they import the Israeli girls and he said that it reminded him of a cat fish farm - pretty gross image. I am willing to go with Eastern European and I might ultimately even bend on this - it is all such a crap shoot. Education isn't a deal breaker even though a nice Ph.D. student sounds good on paper.
This all feels very science fiction, like I am trying to design my baby. You really can't design a human being when it comes down to it. They are going to be their own person. And what does it matter if they have brown eyes or hazel eyes - I will see them and they will see me.