Tuesday, November 28, 2006

group grope gripe

I have been in the same therapy group for 13 years. A very very long time. I was 29 when I started. Depressed, angry, single and way too attached to my dysfunctional family. The year was 1993.

Flashforward, here I am - menopausal, trying to have a baby, living with B* & 4 dogs, in a home I purchased and much more separated from my family. 2006 (almost 2007!).

I have a good deal of credit card debt and am now facing even more debt with DE. So I carefully introduced the topic of leaving group this morning. No one said I should stay, hmmmm. So does this mean I have permission to leave at this critical juncture in my life? (ps I am always at a critical juncture).

My therapist did try to suggest that I needed to excercise more fiscal restraint - agreed, but in the next breadth was suggesting that I should hire live-in help to manage my future baby. To which I responded, and where is this money suppose to come from?

When I said I went to meet with a counselor about Donor Egg - she asked if it was genetic counseling - yes, an ignorant question, but one that made me feel like she isn't really paying attention. What would I need a genetic counselor for I asked, they aren't my genes. Last time I spoke about the DE option she got confused and thought I was planning to use a surrogate.

At this point I feel like I have paid for her divorce, atleast two facelifts and her son's bar mitzvah. I am feeling irritated with her. Maybe irritation is the feeling I inflect so that I can justify leaving group. Dunno.

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