A long time ago my life was very weird. There's still drama but not like it was when I was in my early and mid-twenties.
On Saturday I had a flashbackof the weirdness and it just left me with this icky unsettled feeling.
I was at an advisory council meeting for the School of Arts and Sciences. Reviewing the attendees list I saw a name that looked familiar. The ex-boyfriend of an ex-girlfriend.
Why is she an ex-girlfriend you ask? Well in 1986 (long time ago folks) she was a good friend friend who offered to fix me up with a friend and co-worker (Mc). Her boyfriend at the time ("R") was working on a campaign up North. I started dating the guy she fixed me up, a few weeks in to this new relationship I find out that my friend has started sleeping with this guy (Mc). Get it? she fixed us up and then she decided she wanted a piece of him too, behind her boyfriend's back ("R"). I told him to choose who he wanted to be with because I was unwilling to continue in the current situation. He chose her and she eventually broke up with her out of town boyfriend ("R") of many years.
That's bad enough. I continued to be friends with them (my roomate nick-named my now ex-(Mc) the ax-murderer because he had a sort of crazy look and was very manipulative). To demonstrate how civilized we all were, they invited me to a party and I agreed to attend. I arrived only to find out that it was their engagement party - nice. That was the last straw. Then he calls me up to ask me to be a brides maid - I didn't go to the wedding and I never spoke to them again. They now have three teenage daughters and live in upstate New York.
So back to Saturday. I sit down at lunch (self seating) and the ex-boyfriend of my ex-girlfriend ("R") sits down next to me. Now granted this happend 20 years ago and I am 42 and he is 44 it should just be a funny story at this point. So I told him that I use to be friends with his ex-girlfriend and told him the whole story which I thought we would be able to laugh off but I could see it wasn't that funny for him and suddenly I realized it wasn't that funny for me either.
I said, "I got tired of the drama in my life, and I weeded out the people who were just a little too crazy to hang out with." But I some how tapped back into the discomfort and anxiety of those early days and just felt really unsettled the rest of the afternoon.
I left the meeting early, went and worked out at the gym and called B* to see when he would be home. He had driven up to Baltimore for a crab cake but would be home soon.
I went home, grab some cutting shears and trimmed all the hedges to make them more even - something about evening out the tops of the hedges in front of the house helped me feel more in control and grounded.